top 10

What a nice cock. Heh...

You know what? There’s no rhyme or reason to this list; I just had a cool idea. Still, I put some decent web-searching into this baby, so I’m going with it one hundred percent.

Anyway, here are my picks for the top ten video game chickens.

10. Roaming Chickens (Resident Evil Series)

resident evil 5

They walk around the world aimlessly, clucking to their little hearts’ content, and they’re the most true-to-life entry on this list. So why do they make they cut? Try shooting one and picking up the egg it drops. That egg is good for restoring health, stunning enemies, and – with a special kind – dealing massive damage to bosses.

9. Rubber Chicken (Monkey Island Series)

monkey island

As the only inanimate choice on this list, the Rubber Chicken has something to prove. Sure, it’s only a “rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle,” but it can do so much more. It’s a family heirloom in Escape from Monkey Island, and it’s used as a grappling hook in The Secret of Monkey Island. Plus, it came from a voodoo chick’s hut; that has to count for something.

8. Billy (Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg)

the giant egg

While not technically a chicken, Billy dons a chicken suit to save the chicken-people of Morning Land. By defeating the Crow Boss and freeing the chicken elders, Billy restores his world to peace…all the while rolling a giant egg around. In a way, he’s like the Prince from Katamari, minus the LSD-inspired atmosphere. Also, Billy should be in Smash Bros. I’m just saying…

7. Mort the Chicken (Mort the Chicken)

mort the chicken

Ah, Mort the Chicken… It had terrible reviews and terrible sales, yet it’s still one of my fondest childhood games. Despite coming from a pandered game, Mort has rightfully earned a spot on this list. The guy dove into a well to save his farm’s chicks, and then proceeded to rescue them across random, disconnected, geometry-heavy levels. He’s quite the hero in the hen house.

6. Egbert (Animal Crossing Series)

animal crossing

“Egbert is a yellow chicken with orange legs. He has a short orange beak. He has black rings under his eyes, which give him a tired appearance. His comb is red. He has a slightly dazed expression on his face. He initially wears a Swell shirt.” All that was taken from the Animal Crossing Wiki. So why is he on this list? Because he likes to nap, and anytime I can say “sleeping cock,” I earn a point on my penis joke card.*

The countdown continues on page two!

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