ELO Hell, league of legends, bronze, riot games

The adventures of a self-proclaimed high level silver League of Legends player stuck in Bronze level ELO Hell continues.  Check out last week’s League of Legends “This Week in ELO Hell” article for the background, but we’re going to jump right into the spiral into madness without all the backstory:

START OF WEEK TWO in ELO HELL: Bronze IV, 82 ladder points, 8 wins, 16 losses.

April 19th, 2013, Match 16:
Well, THAT sucked. Garen top lane against Fiora.  Before I could even blink, I was trading out with Fiora in mid lane and had enemy jungler Pantheon gank me at level TWO then proceeded to knock down my tower in eight minutes. Uh, good morning to you too! Unfortunately, bottom Ezreal and Blitzcrank were bitching at each other the whole game, with Blitz missing his grabs over and over again, then wandering mid to free farm while we’re team fighting.  After failing a “surrender at 20” vote, our mid Morgana disconnects and doesn’t come back.  SOMEHOW, we end up doing better without her during teamfights, dragging our loss out for another 20 minutes, but we did better 4v5 then 5v5.  Think the other team got cocky and were being ultra aggressive.  Final insult was enemy Lux running around our nearly dead Nexus dropping pink wards like some kind of victory banner.  Nice touch, ass.
Bronze IV, 76 ladder points, 9 wins, 17 losses.

April 19th, 2013: Match 17:
Well, think that was the worst one I’ve played in awhile.  Team decides to NOT invade, and then four of us show up on the enemy side of the river.  We CLEARLY get spotted, and yet everyone is frozen in the bush.  When minions spawn, our Sona leads the charge and gets decimated by their entire team in a second.  The invade goes so badly, we’re at 1/6 in about two minutes with my scoring the only kill.  Our jungle Chogath was terrible, not scoring a single kill the whole match, and our Tryndamere top decided he was going to save the day and win by himself by split pushing top while we were all teamfighting back at our inhibitor.  Why does the other team never have these kinds of jackasses?
Bronze IV, 58 ladder points, 9 wins, 18 losses.

April 20th, 2013: Match 18:
Started off great, got pushed out of both top and ADC positions by pick order, so I was forced to play Taric.  We took all three of their outer turrets before they started on ours. Did fairly well with stunning and wards and our Khazix mid was a beast, but it just wasn’t enough.  Khazix and our Caitlyn ADC were yelling at each other the whole time, with Caitlyn shooting at Rammus and not the enemy damagers Teemo, Draven or Nidalee.  We were pushed to their middle inhibitor, but the team fights just didn’t happen, as usual.  I’m spiraling out of control here.  Did what I could, just not enough to be done.
Bronze IV, 42 ladder points, 9 wins, 19 losses.

April 22nd, 2013: Match 19:
Well, that was a riot. Our Malph jungler showed up five minutes late to the game, but it didn’t matter because Lulu was supporting me bottom.  I’d reach out as Caitlyn to poke Draven, and Leona would spring from the bush and they’d whack me or zone me out. What is Lulu going to do?  Hit Leona once while they’re powerbombing me, then they turn on her.  Great. Do that a few times minus a jungler and it didn’t get better.  At the 30 minute mark, Malph wasn’t building tanky, he had a frozen gauntlet, ninja tabi and something equally stupid.  Meanwhile, I’d show up to a fight, fire a shot, and the whole team would light me up in two seconds.  Went 2/12/20 with the team yelling at the other team to report Malph and me.  Great. It’s getting to the point where I don’t even want to play this game anymore unless I get my own ranked team together.  Went 20/7/14 last night as Warwick jungle with a premade 5v5, I don’t need this crap. Have not won a single game since April 18th, ELO Hell continues to pull me down.
Bronze IV, 26 ladder points, 9 wins, 20 losses.

April 24th, 2013, Match 21:
I used to love Caitlyn, but man, I’ve been getting abused as her lately.  Too much top play with champs that can take a hit.  Nautilus support, top lane survived an early invade, but the Leona/Draven combo was crushing us.  If I don’t have healing support, it takes one misstep and they’re both on me in a flash.  Our jungle Xin Zhao never showed up bottom despite both of us pinging the hell out of bottom tower they were pushed to, showed up AFTER the fight to cover lane as we were both dead.  Top lane Jax went 0/8/1 the whole match, yelling at everyone what the kill/death score was and “Surrender noobs”, while Nautilus spent the last third of the match writing to the team and /all about what a failure of an ADC I was.  Good times. After the first failed surrender, Xin just disconnected.
Bronze IV, 21 ladder points, 10 wins, 21 losses.

April 24th, 2013, Match 22:
A match to remember. First pick called top, then gave it to me after I asked for it.  Teemo counterpicked a Singed, but a very viable one.  First blood didn’t happen until 10 minutes into the match, and the whole thing was a slow burn…until teamfights, where our team decided the jungle Volibear with a half dozen Warmog’s Armors would be a good target.  Every team fight was a disaster, with us losing 2-3 while only taking one of theirs.  But a hell of a match all around on both sides, a rare treat.  Bronze 5 seriously looms, but good news, there is no “jizz mopper” rank under Bronze 5: I can only go up, I suppose.
Bronze IV, 5 ladder points, 10 wins, 22 losses.

Things look dire for our hero! Will I hold out and manage to claw myself back out of the bottom of Bronze IV, or will ELO Hell continue to claim my soul?  Stay tuned next week and find out!